Saturday, September 24, 2011

The Labyrinth: The Hallow is nearly upon us!

That wonderful time of the year every Oct. 31st when children, youths, and sometimes deranged and sugar-deprived adults dress up and roam the streets in search of candy!!
Or brains...brains that taste like candy are the best IMO.
MmmmMMhhh brainnnnns!

For the most part the costumes are meant to be scary...but from time to time we do see the odd fairy, princess, or purple lovable huggable dinosaur costume.
It remains our solemn duty, to this day as a timeheld tradition, to beat those pink and fluffy critters black and blue with our true monstrous appendages and dastardly weaponry.

Know your enemy...
Study it's movements and behaviour patterns carefully.
Sometimes they travel in packs, aim your strikes on straglers or sickly specimens.
Pick the perfect time to strike when it's most vulnerable.
Always approach from the shadows and make sure to aim for their green underbellies or flowery wings...only when you are certain of the kill can we all breath a little easier.

If we manage to cull enough of these 'adorable' critters then we can reinforce our scary superiority and remind them that the POINT of the holiday is to scare off the real demons and monsters that lurk in the dark.

Well...or to get ridiculously drunk and forget everything associated with the holiday.

On that note, avoid downtown princess street on the weekend beforehand. The 29th and 30th are most likely going to the herald the arrival of armies of wannabe-strippers, playboy bunny girls, and drunken cheer things. Covorting about until theyre just sort of lounging about and hurling on everything in sight...

I personally feel we should all be on high alert this time of year!
Not drinking ourselves into oblivion.
Halloween is the one time of year that we are most likely to get caught off guard by an authentic zombie apocalypse and for what?
Nowadays when you run around and get candy it's almost always crap candy anyways...erm. Least that's what i hear...not like I still go door to door at my age.
Or rough up purple dinosaurs and take their candy...

In my neighbourhood they strove each year to put the junk in junkfood.

(Such a handy graph! :P and oh so true.)

But enough...those that are crafty will make it to November and those that aren't well...they shall bolster the undead's numbers for the following year. We'll just have to go Shaun of the Dead on them and chose our very worst vinyls to hurl at them! Best scene...EVER.

Shaun: NO! That's the second album i ever bought!! Some of these are limited... AHH what was that??
Ed: Blue Monday...
Shaun: That was an original pressing!!
Ed: Purple Rain?
Shaun: No.
Ed: Sign O' The Times?
Shaun: Definitely Not...
Ed: The Batman Suondtrack?
Shaun: Throw it!

Because any crisis should be handled as such...with a very british sort of air of calm and collected no-nonsense logic!

Now the question of the day!


A valid question indeed...
One that I'd be overjoyed to answer if it wasn't for the fact that zombies are assaulting the front AS WE SPEAK!
I shit you not...luckily we have an extensive costume section in the back these days!

I'll just run back throw on one of our creepy capes snatch myself one of our sharp swords and
equip an eypatch and viola I have a perfectly piratey outfit!
Which, as we all know, is one of zombie's true weaknesses. Acts of piracy!

OR i could use the mountain of makeup in the back and blood packets to dress up like an undead zombie or vampire and mingle right in and save myself!
Our halloween section ALSO has catalogues so...if i can baracade myself in and spend a few weeks waiting for a delivery i could order in anything my heart desires costume wise!

This all also ties in with next weeks game review of Mansion of Madnessssss!
Since tis the season we decided it would be appropriate to talk up the creepy crawly game.
Till then stay safe and keep a wary eye peeled!

This has been the Labyrinth and I'm HenryMcCulloch. Game on!

No comments:

Post a Comment