Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Labyrinth: Free RPG Day - We Be Goblins, You Be Food

Me mighty girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad!

You be slimey stupid longshanks! LISTENING UP NOW!
You must be covering your ears, me words so powerful and mighty fierce that they frighten all words from your headz.
But....Slorb be busy...him getting the rusty earbiter all ready for big party!
Ohhhhh me also need make reminder to him for Squealy Nord to come out...then can has the fun time of catchesing him and dancing.

But me Gutwad ramble too long... me digest...
Me working at Minotaur but no fun for having.
They no let stab customers!!
And so not often get to burn things.
But me mighty goblin and cleaver ideas in head for the having.
Famous we get here at Minotaur for big purchasers...
Me has dream that all sales over 50 dollars gets free dog for stabbing!!
And games nights can be now about fireworks to boom boom in naughty places!
heheheh.... huh?

You smelly longshanks no tell Chief what to talk about on compooter face blog book!!!
Me is mighty high lord that sits on tall teetery chair...
Hmmm...right you is smart does need tells them about free day of the R P G.
Alright...june of 18th all over Canada and Brinesump Marsh there be whole day for giving of shiney. Maybe free fireworks too Gutwad hopes.
But for sure they give evil books filled with writings to people who comes to the store.
Me has special dogslicer for sticking any of you longshanks who come to try to read and write...

You all sound like bad goblin Scribbleface.
Him write lots and you know that be bad mojo...
Writing steals words out of your head and snatches your soul away!!
Me Gutwad get tired of giving dictation to slimey longshank boy called Henry.
Me eats him later...

What you mean, what is a longshank? What you mean, why i eats them?
Me chief Licktoad course me always be for fighting and eating...
Gutwad always need explain everything.

We be Licktoads! We make Raid!
Put the Longshanks to the Blade!
Burn them up from Feet to Head,
Make them hurt, then make them Dead!

Cut the Parents into Ham!
Smush the Babies into Jam!
All the rest in Pot get Stewed!
We be Licktoads - You be Food!

So just to jump back in here for a second, I'd like to just go over what our new summer intern here was covering in his roundabout fashion.

Free RPG day is coming up on the 18th of this month (June). There will be dozens of different modules being gven away for free, but get here early as they will go fast. Several of the modules will be run on the day including the Pathfinder module 'We be Goblins'. Anyone wishing to run one of the new modules on the day or a different RPG of their own choosing is welcome to do so, but folks should contact us here post haste to get it all organized.

The days events will start shortly after we open at 10am and will most likely conclude by mid to late afternoon. So grab your dice and swag bags and hurry down to Minotaur to load up on cool stuff and join in a game.
If you come to play in the 'We be Goblins' module feel free to come in costume! (some props may be handed out to those who don't bring any...)

Also if you are in the mood for some 40k roleplaying there will be a module being run called the 'Broken Chains' in the Black Crusade setting. This event will be going on in the afternoon with Chris Murray as the gamemaster and he will start things off around 2pm.

So if you've been craving the thrills of space combats and blasting your way about as a Chaos marine from corridor to corridor in pitched combat, look no further.
Starting off on a prison barge tasked with collecting some of the galaxy's most dangerous heretics and scum will lead for some interesting plot twists!
Make sure to get your dice for this one it's going to be a good one.

But other than that here's Gutwad again...
He's been busy trying to burn down the yarn section but apparently he wanted to yell ... I mean tell you a little bit more about his quest before today's column update is over.

Me Chief Gutwad here again for talking!
Done taking dump on Justine longshanks chair and when they come open board games they find many surprises for tasting. Baby longlegs and many burbygump nests for stinging.

Hmmm you other goblins are still around?
Maybe you be strong enough for quest since you like Slorb and no cower in fear of my big voice.

Well... me find picture drawing from Scribbleface's house that shows old ship in swamp.
There be much fireworks for Licktoads to be having but most bravest of goblins need for getting it. That's where you terribad stinkypants people come in.
Chief Gutwad thinks that you have good time for getting back all fireworks
If you come do this for be bigtime hero, maybe even one of you bravest of all get to marry my daughter!

Make others for other important positions head organizer for stabbings.
Ooooh or yummy taster of new things to put in our food places.
YES! It be decided then.
All for going out to scary ship to get fireworks!

Me Gutbad leave you with last thing.
Poem me wrote bout self since all goblins have poems.
Mine bestest of scary poems!

Me Rendwattle Gutwad Big Boss Chief,
Yous yells to me if yous got beef!
But if yous does then best run quick!
Or Gutwad stab with big sharp stick!

Me words be law this not debate,
Horse and Longshanks me bigtime hate!
But worse than both is smelly dogs!
Dem's for killing so says our gods!

This be the truth cuz Gutwad not liar,
Unless me promise to not start fire!
When time for fight will grab Chief's mace!
Will kick in crotch and smush your face!

This has been the Labyrinth and I'm Henry McCulloch. Game on!

1 comment:

  1. Now now I don't think that goblin was harmless enough but the other way around. Like the cute accessories.